A lot of people ask me.. stupid fucking questionsA lot of people think that.. what I say on recordsor what I talk about on a record, that I actually do in real lifeor that I believe in itOr if I say that, I wanna kill somebody, that..I'm actually gonna do itor that I believe in itWell, shit.. if you believe thatthen I'll kill youYou know why?Cause I'm a
CRIMINALCRIMINALYou god damn rightI'm a CRIMINALYeah, I'm a CRIMINAL
[Eminem]My words are like a dagger with a jagged edgeThat'll stab you in the headwhether you're a fag or lezOr the homosex, hermaph or a trans-a-vestPants or dress - hate fags? The answer's "yes"Homophobic? Nah, you're just heterophobicStaring at my jeans, watching my genitals bulging (Ooh!)That's my motherfucking balls, you'd better let go of emThey belong in my scrotum, you'll never get hold of emHey, it's me, VersaceWhoops, somebody shot me!And I was just checking the mailGet it? Checking the 'male'?How many records you expecting to sellafter your second LP sends you directly to jail?C'mon!-- Relax guy, I like gay menRight, Ken? Give me an amen (AAA-men!)Please Lord, this boy needs JesusHeal this child, help us destroy these demonsOh, and please send me a brand new carAnd a prostitute while my wife's sick in the hospitalPreacher preacher, fifth grade teacherYou can't reach me, my mom can't neitherYou can't teach me a goddamn thing causeI watch TV, and Comcast cableand you ain't able to stop these thoughtsYou can't stop me from topping these chartsAnd you can't stop me from dropping each Marchwith a brand new CD for these fucking retardsDuhhh, and to think, it's just little ol' meMr. "Don't Give A Fuck," still won't leave
[Chorus: Eminem (repeat 2X)]
I'm a CRIMINALCause every time I write a rhyme, these people think it's a crimeto tell em what's on my mind - I guess I'm a CRIMINALbut I don't gotta say a word, I just flip em the birdand keep going, I don't take shit from no one
[Eminem]My mother did drugs - hard-liquor, cigarettes, and speedThe baby came out - disfigured, ligaments indeedIt was a seed who would grow up just as crazy as sheDon't dare make fun of that baby cause that baby was meI'm a CRIMINAL - an animal caged who turned crazedBut how the fuck you supposed to grow up when you weren't raised?So as I got older and I got a lot tallerMy dick shrunk smaller, but my balls got largerI drink more liquor to fuck you up quickerthan you'd wanna fuck me up for saying the word ...My morals went thhbbpp when the president got oralSex in his Oval Office on top of his deskOff of his own employeeNow don't ignore me, you won't avoid meYou can't miss me, I'm white, blonde-hairedand my nose is pointyI'm the bad guy who makes fun of people that diein plane crashes and laughsAs long as it ain't happened to himSlim Shady, I'm as crazy as Em-inem and Kim combined - [*kch*] the maniac's inReplacing the doctor cause Dre couldn't make it todayHe's a little under the weather, so I'm taking his place(Mm-mm-mmm!) Oh, that's Dre with an AK to his faceDon't make me kill him too and spray his brains all over the placeI told you Dre, you should've kept that thang put awayI guess that'll teach you not to let me play with it, eh?I'm a CRIMINAL
[Interlude Skit]Aight look (uh huh) just go up in that motherfuckerget the motherfucking money and get the fuck up outta there[Em] AightI'll be right here waiting on you[Em] AightYo Em[Em] What?!Don't kill nobody this time[Em] Awwright... god damn, fuck...(whistling) how you doin'?[Teller] HI, how can I help you?[Eminem] Yeah I need to make a withdrawl[Teller] Okay[Eminem] Put the fucking money in the bag bitchand I won't kill you![Teller] What? Oh my god, don't kill me[Eminem] I'm not gonna kill you bitch, quit looking around...[Teller] Don't kill me, please don't kill me...[Eminem] I said I'm not gonna fucking kill youHurry the fuck up! [*BOOM*] Thank you!
[Eminem]Windows tinted on my ride when I drive in itSo when I rob a bank, run out and just dive in itSo I'll be disguised in itAnd if anybody identifies the guy in itI'll hide for five minutesCome back, shoot the eyewitnessFire at the private eye hired to pry in my businessDie, bitches, bastards, brats, petsThis puppy's lucky I didn't blast his ass yet [*dog whines*]If I ever gave a fuck, I'd shave my nutstuck my dick in between my legs and cluckYou motherfucking chickens ain't brave enoughto say the stuff I say, so just tape it shut [*tape unrolls*]Shit, half the shit I say, I just make it upTo make you mad so kiss my white naked assAnd if it's not a rapper that I make it asI'ma be a fucking rapist in a Jason mask