Yo.. yo! (* Eminem hachs up spit *)Mic check.. (My dick!)Testing.. one, two (* Eminem hach-spits on mic *)Ffff-fuck.. (My dick!) My nuts..
My attitude is worse than NWA's wasI'll battle you over stupid shit and diss peoplewho ain't have shit to do with it, like Cool J does (Mytattoo!)You see me standin outside of your buildin; screamin,"Puffy is good, (HEY!) but Slim Shady is for the children!"(WAIT!)I look at my life in a new light -- fuck itGive me two mics; I write songs for me -- fuck what you likeYou're probably hear me rap half-hearted; cause I don't like rapanywayI'm just tryin to get my porno career startedEvery place and event.. +Been There, Done That+Shit, Dre stuck me in a suitcase when he went(* zipper sound *) "Come on, let's go!"Want a deal? Study these 5 chaptersLesson One: Throw demos as hard as you can at signed rappersLesson Two: Face em and diss em (whattup dog?)Don't give em a demo; kidnap em (I want you to come with me)and make em come to your basement and listen(you're gonna fuckin check this out)Lesson Three: Get a job at a label; switch demos with Canibusand put yours on the owner's table (here listen!)Lesson Four: 'Know you heard this before'"Hey let me get your number; I'll call you tomorrow, for sure!"Don't act like a fan -- you wanna get signed?Get the whitest A&R you can findPull him aside and rap as wack as you canLesson Five: Get a hook-up at JiveDress up like I.C.P. and have them come see you perform liveAnd that's the key, but when you see me on the street; I ain'tgivin you shit bitch - don't even bother askin me (get away fromme)Toilet water splashes me right in the ass when I'm spittincause I'm always shittin when I'm rappin like Master P(UNNNGGGGH!)Got a blowjob from Paula Jones, and stuffed it so far in hermouthmy balls broke both of her collarbones (OWW!)Told Mya this shit was all about me-ah ("It's all about me..")Gave Alyssa Milano syphillis, mono and gonorrhea ("You're adick!")And all three of my main girls said SEE-YACause Brandy and Monica walked in and caught me fuckin Aaliyah(What? Oh my God!) I splish splash while I'm takin a bathGrab a handful of pills, break em in half, take em and laughWhite trash -- fuckin your wife in the ass ("Oh! Ooh Shady! Oooh!")While you're out siphoning gas for your lawnmower to cut thegrass
So if I hurt your self-esteemand you get dissed too bad [Yo why you diss me?]You know I just be sayin that to get you madAnd when I rap about a buncha shit you wished you had [A bigdick!]You know I just be sayin that to get you mad"I can't listen to that song, that shit's too sad!"You know I just be sayin that to get you mad"He'll never make it, his wrist is slit too bad!" [Nurse!Nurse!]You know I just be sayin that to get you mad
What a wonderful day; I should go outside and playAin't no need to sit inside the house and hibernateHi Renee! (Oh hi!) I was just about to toss a live grenadein your driveway (WHAT?) and drive away (* car peels out *)Are you afraid of a blade made of a razor with AIDSBlood drippin from it, rippin your stomach like a paper macheYou talk a lotta shit, but you was never ill thoughI'm sick enough to beat you to death with a feather pillowTipped over some cows, just for a joke and a laugh (MOOOOO!)Jumped up, choked a giraffe, snapped his neck and broke it inhalfWagin wars, went on stage and sprayed Cage with +Agent Orange+And wiped my ass with his page in Source (Here!)The demon is here, steamin this yearI rip [*Mystikal's*] voicebox out, scream in his ear (AHHHHHH!)It's not a gimmick bitch, it's an image I live itGive a fuck? I don't know what a fuck is to give it"Yeah I don't think this guy is well.." I'm high as hellI'll beat you with a live cat when I'm swinging him by his tail
[* impersonating Method Man *]I'll fuckin, I'll fuckinLay your nuts on the dresserJust your nutsack by itselfAnd bang them shits with a spiked batCut your neck off and sew your head right backAnd leave you like that
You just triggered the prick who just mixed liquorWho's itchin to leave you disfigured and stiffer thanChris-topherReeves, I was teething with strep throatwhile your mother was breastfeedingAnd gave her the flesh-eating diseaseI'm iller than takin a hammer and beatin your kneesand walkin through South Central L.A., bleedin in jeans(Am I a Blood or a Crip?) Wakin up the next day in breathinmachinesFlashin back to being shot and repeatin the sceneson how you just got smoked, and if you do liveYou'll be too scared to tell it, like a Biggie and 'Pac joke
So if I hurt your self-esteem and you get dissed too badYou know I just be sayin that to get you madAnd when I rap about a fat bitch that you wished you hadYou know I just be sayin that to get you mad"I can't listen to that song, that shit's too sad"You know I just be sayin that to get you mad"He'll never make it, his wrist is slit too bad"You know I just be sayin that to get you mad
I know that makes you real mad, don't it? (uh-huh)That's right, Slim Shady (yup) Sway & TechSprayin wreck (bitch)And we don't give a heck (uh-uh)or a damn.. or a fuck.. or a shitSo suck my motherfuckin dick