Chorus & Mark:Penis dimensionPenis dimensionPenis dimension is worrying meI can't hardly sleep at night'Cause of penis dimension
Do you worry?Do you worry a lot?
Do you worry?Do you worry and moanThat the size of your cockIs not monstrous enough?
It's your penis dimensionPenis dimension
Mark:Hi, you friends.Now just be honest about it.Did you ever considered the possibilityThat your penis, and in the case ofMany dignified ladies that the size of the titiesThemselves might provide elements ofSubconscious tension?Weird, twisted anxieties that could forceA human being to have to become a politicianA policeman, a Jesuit monkA rock'n'roll guitar playerA wino. You name itOr in the case of the ladies, the ones thatCan't afford a silicone beef-upThey'd become writers of hot books!
Howard:"Manuel, the gardener, placed his burning phallus in her quivering quim..."
Mark:Yes, or they become Carmelite nuns!
Howard:"Gonzo, the lead guitar player, placed this mutated member in her slithering slit..."
Mark:Oh, or racehorse jockeys...There is no reason why you or your loved oneshould suffer. Things are bad enough withoutthe size of your organ adding even more miseryto the troubles of the world!
Howard:Right on! Right on!
Mark:Now, if you are a lady and you got munchkintits, you can console yourself with this ageold line from primary school:
M-H:Anything over a mouthfulis wasted!
Mark:Yes! And isn't it the truth?And if you're a guy,one night you're at a partyAnd you're trying to be coolI mean, you aren't even wearing underwearYou being so coolAnd somebody hits on you one nightAnd he looks you up and down and he says, uh
Howard:Eight inches or less!
Mark:Well, let me tell you brothers,that's the time when you got to turn aroundand look that sonofabitch right between the eyesAnd you got to tell him these words: