Once upon a timeIt was in Albuquerque, New MexicoThere were these girls that worked at the collegeThe were really cool...(They thought so anyway)The would be delighted to tell you how suave they whereAt the drop of a hat
There was three of 'em:One of them thought she was a Beauty Queen...The other one was a Walking Blow-JobAnd then there was this skinny girl...
Oh well...Some of the guys in the band got togetherWith the girls from the collegeThey were having a good time...(We were in Alburquerque for a couple of days)But these girls thought they were Hot Shit'N wouldn't pooch the guys in the bandOn the first day, so...A couple of the guys in the bandWho were desparate for THAT KIND OF ACTIONKept workin' on 'em for two days(Which is a waste of fuckin' time anyway...)So, anyway...But if that's your idea of a good time, what the hey?
Send those pants up here!Here's some more!Okay, good-good!Traditional cotton...oh, how sweet!Umf...huh-huh-huh-huhhh...HERE! Work these!
Anyway...We're in Albuquerque, New Mexico...A couple of the guys in the band, who shall go namelessBecause their girlfriends might find outDecided they were gonna work the wall on these girlsFrom the collegeSo, one night...it was the first nightWhen they were still trying to 'get it in there'(Ya know what I mean? Huh-huh-huh-huh...)The skinny girl, she says to one of the guys in the bandShe says, well, to several of the guys in the bandAnd one of the T-shirt guys too..."HEY! LET'S GO SKINNY-DIPPING!"At two o'clock in the morning at the pool at the hotelThat's right, your heard right,Two o'clock in the morning, pool at the hotel...It was so fun...But the water was very, very cold!So they go out there and the girl who was really skinny'N' probably totally insensitive to climatic changesTook all of her garments off and she jumped in the poolAnd she says, "HEY GUYS! COME ON IN!"Well, one of them did...The other one was too smart for that shitSo him and the T-shirt guy say by the edge of the poolAnd when the girl who was really skinny(And insensitive to climatic changes)Took off her clothes and jumped in the poolShe threw her pants over there by the little table
Well, one of the guys in the band picked up het panties(He told me later the stuff in the bottomWas like punching an eclair...)Anyhow...there was nothing else to do...It was Alburquerque, New MexicoIt's two o'clock in the morning...They're not going to get any nooky anyway...So this one guy and the T-shirt guyStarted sniffing the girl's panties...They were sniffing the fudge and sniffing the glue...Sniffing every 'thing' that adhered to theseDelightful little morsels(Some of you might think this is weird...No wonder. It's not exactly normal, butWhat the fuck?)So, they're snorting it...(Hey! It's the twentieth century...Whatever you can do to have a good time, let's get on with it,So long as it doesn't cause a murder...)
So they're snorting the pants'N' then they put them on their heads...They were having a good time...The girl was in the water...she didn't even seeWhat was going on with her underpants...They were wearing the pantsIt looked just like a tiny little party hat...Their ears were sticking out the side...it was so funLater on they discovered,This would make a great way of life for them...They would go from town to town, looking for pantiesThey would take the panties after they were hung upOn the clothes lineLater on they would take 'em back in the dressing roomThey would play with them...They would fetish the underpants...They would snort every little morsel attachedTo the underpants...and then...they would feel thatThey were FULFILLED
And so you can see,That what we're doing here on stageIs part of a Great American TraditionThe tradition of theJAZZ DISCHARGE PARTY HATS