You see Elphie, now that we're friendsI've decided to make you my new project.You really don't have to do thatI know. That's what makes me so nice!Whenever I see someone less fortunate than I(and let's face it?who isn't less fortunate than I?)My tender heartTends to start to bleed
And when someone needs a makeoverI simply have to take overI know, I know exactly what they needAnd even in your caseThough it's the toughest case I've yet to faceDon't worry?I'm determined to succeedFollow my leadAnd yes, indeedYou will be
Popular!You're gonna be popular!I'll teach you the proper poiseWhen you talk to boysLittle ways to flirt and flounceI'll show you what shoes to wearHow to fix your hairEverything that really counts
To be popular!I'll help you be popular!You'll hang with the right cohortsYou'll be good at sportsKnow the slang you've got to knowSo let's start'Cause you've got an awfully long way to go...
Don't be offended by my frank analysisThink of it as personality dialysisNow that I've chosen to become a pal, a sis-Ter and adviserThere's nobody wiser
Not when it comes to popular?I know about popularAnd with an assist from meTo be who you'll beInstead of dreary who-you-were... or areThere's nothing that can stop youFrom becoming populer?larLa la la laWe're gonna make you popular
When I see depressing creaturesWith unprepossessing featuresI remind them on their own behalf to think ofCelebrated heads of state orEspecially great communicators.Did they have brains or knowledge?Don't make me laugh!
They were popular! Please?It's all about popular!It's not about aptitudeIt's the way you're viewedSo it's very shrewd to beVery very popularLike me!
Why miss Elphaba, look at youYou're beautifulI have to go[Calls after her]You're welcome![Sings]And though you protestYour disinterestI know clandestinelyYou're gonna grin and bear itYour new-found popularity
La la la laYou'll be popularJust not quite as popularAs me!