The Ruins of Adventure

I don't know what I'm doing and never did
The nights seem so pointless
And stupid survival leads to stimulation,
But really, if you're not fighting for your life
You'll just hurt yourself
Or find a cloud of unknowing to hide behind
Get lost in a fake smile
Yeah, talk it up, laugh and joke
But don't include me
I just can't do it
And what the wheels turn
I wish I wasn't here
But there's nowhere to escape to
Oh well
Maybe there's action prefabricated
With myself in the middle of the situation
But underneath everything I'm just waiting
Like a blade of grass in the field
To live and die, it's too bleak
No mystery, solid fact
The ruins of adventure
Smoking in the burnt-out city
And the wildfire devastation
We'll return from adventure
Embrace the gray reality
A passing on
Why should I leave a cloak
Oh where, what
I feel so sick of days
Minutes are hours
Time hangs oppressive
Go away time
Leave me at once
I don't want to know you
I'll take the sun
I'll take the black night
I'll walk through perception
But it's so hard to wait
I want to go now
I wait, but what can I do
The trouble in my mind I can't shake loose
I want to go out the back door, get lost for good
I want to disappear and never be found
I want to cease to exist as far as I know
I could always go drinking and never come back
I could go traveling in search of nothing
I don't want to know the world is changing
Just beat down my door, come on you nothing
I just don't care and I can't get it right
I heard tell of salvation, but what I saw was controlled
Either by the inside or from without doubt
Give me your rules I don't want to post them
Or be imposed upon
I could do a good thing, discover a cure
I can't lift my hand up to open a door
I'm stuck in depression
Get out, go away, go away, go away
I hate that I got any responsibility
I don't want to talk, I don't want to walk
But maybe if I walk I'll escape talk
If I can be alone I'll live through this
I'll take the hammer, I'll pound the steel
I won't give an inch to you, you rotten thing
I won't fall in your hole